On Saturday, May 9th, the band known as FREELANCE SWEATPANTS brought their BRAND OF HOT DOG ROCK to ORTLEIBS SPRING FEST with the help of an AQUATIC FRIEND. That’s right, the bands WORST KEPT SECRET was finally unveiled as PAT MCCABE of LAZER SHARK filled in for AJ DECCECO.
The band brought THEIR IN HOUSE set to an OUTDOOR SETTING. Bringing in FANS OF ALL AGES. This may be the first recorded show where CHILDREN danced to their music. Hopefully chanting “ GOTTA GET OUT” will be a core lLIVR MUSIC memory, and when they get older, they will want to see FREELANCE SWEATPANTS when they become ARENA SUPERSTARS.
The band even attracted a woman in her late 70’s. Despite her AGE, she was not afraid of the BOYS NOISE and sat close to the stage, absorbing THE POWER OF UNBUNNED HOT DOG ROCK.
As for SEANN WILLIAM SCOTT’S STUNT DOUBLE, PAT understood the assignment! Throughout the set was sharing the stage, laughs and a few CHOICE DANCE MOVES with SEAN AND DOM. Moving as FAST AS A SHARK, PAT’s take on AJ’s solos cut through the NOISE like a LAZER. Like a LAZER SHARK, as THOSE IN THE KNOW WOULD call it. He helps fill out The BANDS sound nicely in AJ DECCECO’S absence that weekend.
Speaking of SOUND, is it me or is JUSTIN slowly becoming a DRUM GOD? His performance was so FLAWLESS that even the PREDICTED RAINFALL paused to take notice. After the show was over, only a DRIZZLING took place. Though many still believe that was JUSTIN wiping off the sweat from a hard fought show!
As for “FAST FRETS DOM”, every time he played a solo or riff, IT was hot enough to light up a JUNKIES BOWL.
THAT AFTERNOON, The LOCAL PHILLY COMMUNITY showed up in DROVES. The crowd included people of all ages and it even included an appearance by a LOCAL CRACKHEAD.! He was very nice and stayed through all the bands sets THAT AFTERNOON. HE WAS CLEARLY HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE! I PRAY the only thing he gets addicted to down the line is MORE FREELANCE SWEATPANTS!
The band wrapped their main set with THEIR RADIO READY SINGLE “ MASTER OF DISGUISE”. Despite the song featuring lyrics invoking an INEVITABLE DECLINE, the band played to a crowd of COMPLETE STRANGERS and WON THEM OVER! MORE LOVE was shown to a SINGLE BAND IN ONE AFTERNOON than to the 76ers in THEIR FINAL GAME THE NEXT DAY.
AS A FRONT MAN, SEAN USED HIS MASTERFUL ABILITIES to get a crowd of COMPLETE STRANGERS to yell “GOTTA GET OUT”, though THE PHILLY FAITHFUL wanted them for to stay 2 MORE SONGS.! IF THAT’S NOT TALENT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.
This demand for the band proves that THE SUMMER OF THE SWEATPANTS IS JUST HEATING UP!
I know you don’t what comes next. I GUESS I’LL SPOIL ONE THING; GET READY FOR THE RETURN OF AJ DECCECO AND A RETURN TRIP TO THE GRAPE ROOM THIS COMING FRIDAY!
SPECIAL THANKS: PAT MCCABE, ORTLEIBS, ABBY FILLON, CRACKHEAD, HOT DOGS, UNDERSIZED HOT DOG EATING CONTEST SWEATER.